Having purchased a blender/food processor would be on that list, but the thing appears to be better suited for placement in a model home than actual use. The instructions are in Hebrew, and I have received no response from my email to the Chinese manufacturer. One of my roommates insists that this is an intentional FU from Israel, and I hold the Chinese culpable. Either way, both countries have now joined my personal Axis of A#$holes. I'm keeping a list.
As I wasted hours of my time fiddling with the homefill, digging around on the internet searching for answers, I kept hearing the nightly "booms" that we typically hear around 10pm, although this time they were followed by car horns and then sirens. None of this deterred me from my quest, but my efforts were fruitless nonetheless. To date, I have no idea how to use my blender, nor do I have any idea what those booms are.
That's it for now. Below are some quotes from my life here for your enjoyment.
"Haram"-related quotes
The following things are haram: exposed shoulders, kneecaps, the female form, the smoking of cigarettes in public by women, and a good amount of my normal activity. *Note: I'm not dressing like a pirate-hooker, but just wearing a tank top constitutes showing off my haram-bits.
- "Hey, if you're gonna be haram, stay in here. The owner of the building is here."
- "Guys, the Arab staff isn't coming in on Saturday, so if you want to be haram, you can."
(pause) "I think she's talking to you, Kelly."
"Yes, I was."
Things our kids say
- I taught one of my first graders to answer the question "How are you?" with the response "Straight chillin." It's awesome.
- One of my 5/6th graders had been touching me too much, and I had told her frequently, "We don't touch Miss Jones." After school she was touching me again, and I asked her, "What do we say?" Her immediate response -
"Life isn't fair."
"No, Karma, not our class motto; the other thing. About touching me."
(For the record, she wouldn't say "We don't touch Miss Jones" until I sat on her and crumpled leaves in her face.) - "Miss Jones, Miss Jones?"
"Yes, Nassir?"
"Uh... Close only counts in horse shoes-es and... uh... what is it? Gredanes?"
"Hand grenades."
"No, it's just gredanes."
"No, HAND grenades."
(Miss Jones pantomimes pulling the pin of a hand grenade with her teeth and hurling it at Miss Jessica, imitating the sound of Miss Jessica exploding.)
"Keep working on it Nassir. No Jone$ies unless it's perfect by the time you get in line." - "Students, there will be no Jone$y Store this week for anyone because Nouraldeen didn't do his homework."
(a collective groan comes from the class)
"What should we do about Nouraldeen not doing his homework?"
"We should kill him with a knife!"
"No, Bilal, let's not kill our classmates with a knife. How about we just remind him to do his homework."
